He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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