??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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