Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
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The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
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I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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