I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
