I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I didn't notice because vodka
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
