we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
