apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Less talking, more tequila
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
