Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
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I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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