It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
No subtext here. People are naked.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
