if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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