just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
