i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
