How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
