our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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