I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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