took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
