3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
