I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
