just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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