And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
