Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
