if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
