You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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