omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
