Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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