We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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