beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
