I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
