How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My balls are so social today.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
