I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I understand Curling. That high.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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