Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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