I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
