If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
