let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just puked most of my soul out..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
