Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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