I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
