Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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