you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
