Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
