Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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