He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
