I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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