The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
