Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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