these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
