My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
