Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
