What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
