Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
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You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
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You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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