We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
