the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
