i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
