I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
