I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
