Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
