She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
