I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
