I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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