...so i touched it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
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she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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