I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
