Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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