I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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