She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
3pm strippers are depressing
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
