Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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