What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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