Already got asked if we're dating
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
